Selam Debebe on Surviving the Storm with Grace

Imagine working overseas in a foreign country where you give birth to your first child… and just days later he falls gravely ill, sending you into a whirlwind of a storm with a completely foreign health system to navigate through and ensure your child has the best care possible. Meet supermom, Selam, who did just that and not only survived the storm, but did it with grace, humor and a positive attitude.

Where are you from and where do you reside?

I am from Ethiopia, born and raised in Addis Ababa. I currently reside in Guangzhou,China

Tell us a little about your background and your family.

I grew up in a not so large family as I have one sister and one brother but as a Tigrayan, we had so many aunts, uncles and cousins that came to visit often and we were raised as sisters and brothers. I had a very happy and cheerful childhood and was the youngest child. I grew up with so many rules and regulations as my mother is a teacher. I never grew up with my dad as they were divorced when I was very little. But to be perfectly honest, I never really felt anything was missing until later in life. My mother did everything she could to raise happy kids and that’s what we were. We always had celebrations in our home and a small activity was appreciated and rewarded.

We had ‘Fun Fridays’ in which we came home to home-baked cookies and homemade juices. This was the highlight of our week. And every Friday our mother made "bombolino" as we played games. The winner got to eat the one that had chocolate on them!

I always did well in school and, of course, was “expected to” as my mother had direct contact with my teachers and was very involved. I did my first degree in Addis Ababa University College of Commerce in BAIS, my second degree in Marketing at ST. Mary's University and began my master’s degree to get an MBA from ST. Six months before completing my MBA, I moved to China.

In 2015, I came to Gunagzhou, China as I was offered a job.

Not too long ago, I became aware of your son’s hospitalization in a Chinese hospital through our mutual friend. I remember her concern for you and your son as you were having to deal with a sudden illness in a foreign land, away from family, friends and a familiar setting for receiving medical help. I can’t begin to imagine being in this exact situation with a newborn.

Can you tell us about your son’s hospitalization- what he was hospitalized for, how you went about seeking treatment and about the long and frightening days of not really understanding what was happening with your newborn?

From the start, we weren't lucky enough to get the "good news" that every couple gets when they are first told that they are expecting a child. We found out at the hospital when I went for a check-up to look into why my legs were swelling. It was during this visit that I was told I had a heart condition of my left heart and that it had fluid inside it, hence causing the edema (swelling). Then the doctor throws in "ohh by the way, you are pregnant."

The cardiologist highly suggested we think about it twice as I was at high risk for a heart attack at any time. The doctor further suggested that I wait three to four years to complete treatment before trying again to have a child. My husband and I went home and discussed it calmly and we said “God gave us this baby; they might not believe in God but we do." So we kept it.

When Natna (which means ‘ours’ in Tigrinya) was born it was a scary delivery. My husband was in the delivery room with me and told me I passed out halfway through the process. The nurse practically jumped on my belly and pushed the baby out the rest of the way. They had to save both our lives.

When Natna was born he was perfectly fine, weighing 4.5kg. We were so happy to have a baby and kept looking at him as a miracle sent from above.

On his third day we went home. On the fourth day we noticed he started becoming yellow. We immediately took him to the doctors and they told us his liver is failing to conduct its work and he was taken to ICU. We only got to see him twice for an hour in 8 days. It was the hardest time of my life and I was glad my mom and husband were with me keeping me sane. Finally he was diagnosed with a disease called JAUNDICE. Treatment consisted of him sleeping under a special blue light to keep his system going. God had helped us one more time as he restored his bilirubin level back to normal and we took him home.

MY MOM LEFT AFTER 20 DAYS of stay and then my husband also went back to work. It was so hard preparing my own meal and making my own "ATMIT". I have asked God to give me my baby back and I promised I wouldn’t complain; so I kept going. But, POSTPARTUM DEPRESSION is a real thing and often neglected by our society. A woman feels lonely and insecure the first 3 months of the post-delivery. And family and friends were the luxury I couldn't afford, being so, So far away from them all. I remember crying like a baby because my baby cried when I tried to change his diaper. I thought I was hurting him and it was all new to me. We laughed about it with my mother over the phone. I just wish there was someone telling me it was ok and that babies do cry… a lot! Lol.

AFTER 15 DAYS, we went in to check my health as I had a follow-up appointment. We took baby with us. By that time he slept a lot and was very, very quiet for the past four days. My husband thought I was being paranoid but I insisted we check his fever because he had a small vomit in the morning. Again, every one said it was normal but I wanted to get him checked out any way. We told the nurse he had a fever, which he hadn't but we needed a good excuse to go through the Emergency Room and see a doctor because it was Sunday. When they let us see the doctor, the doctor suspected some symptoms and requested we get his blood checked, his brain scanned and also his urine evaluated. We thought it would be nice to get checked and wasn't expecting what was going to come our way.

When we met with the doctor again, we saw he was shocked so we started to panic. He spoke in Chinese very fast which we weren't able to catch. My husband speaks and understands Chinese better so he tried to calm him down and asked him what the problem was. He told him he had seen a big amount of water in his brain and he is suffering from INTERCRANIAL DISEASE. I just heard the word “die” in Chinese and started crying. I called my doctor who spoke very clear English and told her what happened. She called the doctor and asked him for more details to translate back to us in English. She called me back saying, "I am so sorry, but you should hurry, your baby's system is shutting down and his CRP is 200 which is supposed to be from 0-0.1 and his glucose is 0.5 which should be from 2.8 - 4.2…” and so many technical words which I don't remember because half way through I was crying so hard it was hard to follow. They told us he needed to get treated right away as he was inflamed. We googled every technical word by the way. We agreed to start treatment right away, but unfortunately the hospital did not have any rooms available. Later, my doctor suggested a big hospital that only treats children and women, called Guangzhou Women and Children Hospital, the biggest and newest hospital in Guangzhou.

We rushed our son to this hospital and explained with English, Chinese, and some Amharic to their amusement, of what our needs were. Unfortunately, they too did not have a bed for our Natna, but suggested they treat him in the waiting area as it was serious. The goal was to try to find us a bed by the morning. It was 7 pm at this time, and we had not eaten anything other than breakfast that morning. I was still exhausted from giving birth and I was hungry frequently. We didn’t have anyone to call and ask for help, so we took turns holding his glucose and holding him. Finally, we called our boss who was such a kind man. He came with his wife bringing all the necessary stuff we needed, including baby materials and snacks. At that moment, I felt God was still with us as these people had shown us a love and care no one has ever shown us.

Morning came and the doctor came to explain that NATNA was suffering from PURULENT MENINGITIS AND PNEUMONIA. He suspected he caught it from the hospital in the ICU because there were many babies and he wasn't yet vaccinated. He told us if we were 4 hours late we wouldn't be having this discussion. He also told us that he needs to go into ICU and that we needed to pay $60,000 deposit for the start of the treatment. We were devastated and confused. At that moment, we decided to take him to Ethiopia, but the doctors told us he had a big respiratory problem and that he couldn’t fly. Our good friend Bukri suggested he come to the states but his passport was still in process as he was just born and it took at least 2 months to receive.

After exploring all of our options, we just asked the doctors to give us time to come up with such a horrendous amount, and that they should help us stabilize his condition in the meantime. A very kind doctor agreed to take us to his department and treat him. We paid $500 per day for the bed in addition to his medications, which was given through his leg or hand or head, whichever was convenient to get a vein for IV treatment.

IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST HORRIFYING PROCESSES SINCE HE WAS SO YOUNG AND ACCESSING HIS BLOOD VESSEL WASN'T THAT EASY. He cried through the entire process very hard, sometimes for longer periods as they wouldn't stop until they got access because it was a must to give him the medicine.

We stayed in the hospital for 98 days. My husband stayed the first 30 days with me and we made so many memories as we tried to entertain each other with games and movies. This experience definitely drew us closer through the whole process. I must say I got to know him and connect with him on a deeper level by that time.

How did you cope with the stress and what was the number one thing that helped keep you grounded during this time?

We did a lot of praying and asking God to help us because the doctors weren't sure if he would lose his hearing or vision. It was heart breaking news but we talked, cried and laughed and hugged and kissed… even revisited our decision to have a baby in the first place. IT WAS A MIXED FEELING. But we stayed open, vulnerable and positive with one another. We had hope that a miracle could happen as nothing was impossible for GOD.

We had movie marathons as NATNA slept for six hours due to the medication and we weren’t allowed to move him, so we had to create an atmosphere that wasn’t depressing. We saw many funny movies together, we talked and laughed together. One nurse asked us "how long we had been married and how we were able to talk and laugh every day." She said it was different with Chinese people. We had a neighbor in the hospital room whose baby girl was suffering from the same disease and she and her husband began to talk only after seeing our interaction for one month and saying that they could get through it if we can. She said it brought them together.

Our families called without exhaustion, 6 times a day, asking for news and updates. We knew what they were going to ask and we would say what they wanted to heart. We couldn't be sad and give negative vibes to Natna. We wanted to be hopeful and keep him warm and loved. We were ready to do whatever it took and we promised each other we wouldn't give up on him NO MATTER WHAT.

One hopeful day, we decided to buy him a toy for his bed, so he can see it when he looks up. When we hung the toy, it started to sing and Natna looked up and started to smile. He was almost two and a half months and I CRIED LIKE A BABY. WE NEVER SAW HIM SMILE AND MOST IMPORTANTLY WE NEVER SAW HIM ROLLING HIS EYES. IT WAS THE HIGHLIGHT OF OUR STAY we almost called everyone.

It was small but it was hope. We slept well that day. We decided to buy more colorful toys as it helped his vision. We researched about it passionately. It was ALL we talked about. It was like we were told ‘he was fine you can take him home now.’ His doctor was very happy by the progress but he still needed to stay longer to kill the bacteria inside his brain.

After the GOFUNDME was launched by our friend Bukri, lots of people reached out to us. Sometimes we spent all day on the phone, even talking to people we didn’t know. People came to visit us a lot once the rumor had spread and our few friends took turns to bring food and materials we needed. Our colleague, ANSUAR, played a huge role in Natna's life right from the start and until today he helps with babysitting and everything we need since Natna is well put with him.

AS I SAID, HOPE GETS YOU THROUGH. A PERSON WITHOUT HOPE IS LIKE A BIRD WITH OUT WINGS.

What advice or words of encouragement would you offer a mother who is going through a difficult season of caring for a sick child?

I would say "PLEASE STAY STRONG." What is meant to happen will happen. God didn’t give you this baby without a reason. I have realized I lived a selfish life before having a baby. I focused more on myself, my career and my school and wasn't even ready to lead a life as a STRONG WOMAN who did it all. I was always taken care of at home and wasn't as nearly as strong as I am today. Babies will make you FEARLESS and STRONG. Please push through this. Whatever your situation, there is someone out there going through a tougher time than you. We saw kids who couldn't walk, who needed help even after they passed their 5th year, we saw some awful, awful diseases. That's when we decided to be grateful for what we had and asked God to make it better.

During our hospital stay, I became good friends with a lady named Anna who owned a kid's swimming place and came to the hospital after her son fell on the floor while swimming. He currently can't talk as he has to have oxygen through his mouth, his legs and hands are deformed and she stays up all night sometimes as it was difficult for him to breathe through the device. To make matters more complicated, her husband left her after this happened. She stayed for 6 months in the hospital thinking things would change and spent a fortune while doing so.

We just couldn't survive feeling weak all the time. God doesn't give us what we can't handle. WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU ONLY MAKES YOU STRONGER & SMARTER (My version).

How is your precious little man doing now?

NATNA IS AMAZINGLY FINE. He pulled through all the treatment and responded well and we didn't need to go into ICU. His CRP, GLUCOSE and white blood cells are perfect, he is a happy child, he rarely cries and is gaining weight and eating well. God gave us another chance to be happy as a family so we don't take that for granted. We have emerged stronger as a couple and also as individuals. We listen to each other a lot and value every day we have with one another. We give thanks and take them from one another every day.

I’m so happy that he received the proper care he needed and is doing much better now. Praise God!

And last, if you can be sure to pass down any piece of knowledge, wisdom or tool to your children- what would that be and why?

I WOULD SAY: You never know how strong you are until you don't have a choice. I will tell my kids their father and I sacrificed everything, Literally everything, to have them brought up. They should take that as a deeper value that they were needed and loved. I would want them to think of the world as a wide place which is composed of different kinds of people, but the good news is it allows us to decide what kind of a person we want to be and choose how we want to live our lives. We make that decision and it’s important. LASTLY, I WOULD SAY: DO GOOD AND, GOOD THINGS WILL HAPPEN TO YOU THROUGH GOD!!!!!

Once again, thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and journey with us! I believe there is so much power in sharing our stories and encouraging one another with our journey and the experiences we learn along the way.