Luwam Tesfaye on Switching Careers and Empowering Women
Meet Luwam Tesfaye. Luwam is an incredible woman who has set out to inspire and empower women by sharing her own personal journey- the ups and downs of motherhood, marriage and personal development and growth!
Where are you from and where do you reside?
I was born and raised in Maryland, USA to wonderful parents from Ethiopia and Eritrea. I currently live in Northern Virginia with my husband and 3 beautiful children.
Tell us a little about your background and your family.
I was five years old when I knew what I wanted to do with my life (or at least until recently that’s what I thought I wanted to do with my life). It all started with weekly walks around Lincoln Memorial with my father where he would teach me all about democracy and diplomacy (I knew what those words meant before even knowing how to spell them).
I grew up wanting to become the Secretary of State- funny, right? Most kids dream of becoming the President or lawyers, doctors, etc. I, on the other hand, only wanted to run the Department of State (DoS) and when asked why, I always said- to bring Peace to the world.
It is no wonder that my background is in International Relations and Homeland Security, and yes I work at DoS but as a Program Analyst doing my small part in saving American lives overseas. Those dreams of becoming Secretary of State were replaced with something even more significant:
The most important and rewarding part of my life- being a mother to my three remarkable children (Isabella, Lorenzo, and Novena) and wife to my high school sweetheart- Bini.
I recently came across your blog, Luwame, and love your transparency! It’s a fun read and always has great insight into motherhood, marriage and everything in between.
Tell us about why you started your blog and what inspires you to develop the content you share.
Luwame is a reflection of who I was, who I am, and who I’m working to become. I started writing because I needed an outlet and writing did just that for me. It was the one place I could go to get away from the world around me.
The blog came from years of not being confident in my parenting skills and my marriage and then seeing so many other mothers go through the same emotional roller coaster I was on. I firmly believe in sharing my personal stories to help other women with theirs. Call it a healing session, enlightenment read, or even just a funny laid back Friday night glance, but when someone else is going through the exact thing I post about and then reads my blogs and gets empowered by it to try solving their problem differently… then my job is done. That’s why I started Luwame, and that’s how I develop the content I share weekly. It all comes from issues I have dealt with or am currently dealing with and need advice from my readers. I also write about the future- how to plan it out, how to have dreams/goals and consistently turn to them. There have also been times where my content came from a reader or a friend asking for advice.
I love your courage to be transparent. As Habesha women, it’s not always easy to share our heart. There may be some outliers, but generally, the way we are raised and the messaging we get growing up is very Conservative. Which usually entails a timid, soft spoken and reserved personality. Boldness in speaking up and speaking out wasn’t really the messaging we received as a whole community and culture. Again, I understand it may be different in some homes, but I’m always interested in this topic and discussing how WE as the next generation of Habesha women can change that narrative for our lives and our children’s lives.
Was there a process that took place for you in opening up and being transparent? If so, what did that look like?
Well, I’ve always been that outspoken girl who doesn’t shut up, mainly when I’m fighting for something I believe in (it’s a gift and curse at the same time, and it used to get me in a lot of trouble growing up).
You are right though! As habesha people, in general, we tend to prefer not talking about our problems and being open about our lives. Which is fine to a certain degree…I mean who wants their problems out there for everyone to see, right?! The process of being transparent was simple for me, it all came down to realizing that no one's life is perfect and knowing how much sharing my journey could help someone else. See this isn’t about me, it’s about helping others and letting them know that it’s normal to feel insecure about your body, your marriage and being a mother at times… heck, we all do it. What’s not okay is feeling alone and lost and not knowing where to turn and then to let the insecurities build up inside of you. That’s what happened to me, and I never want another female ever to feel that kind of pain.
If you’re wondering if I still get nervous when I post something intimate about my family or myself…. Heck yes! More for my husband’s sanity though… lol! We have different views when it comes to what I should share online and out of respect for him, I let him proofread anything that involves him. There has yet to be a blog he has read that he wasn’t okay with me posting, so I think I’m finally rubbing off on him. LOL
Good for you for stepping out regardless of how you feel! And for including hubby in the process of sharing and being transparent with your life- very wise!
You mentioned losing 80 pounds in just 1 year after your pregnancy- first of all - You Go, Guuurrrlll!! - and second, how!? The first thing that has to be there when making that decision to lose weight is the determination to STICK IT OUT. How did you mentally persevere through that year? Any tips for the mom who is in the same boat today and seeking the motivation to lose weight and feel her best?
Thanks! Oh, my... where to start. In one of the first blog posts, I talked about embracing motherhood without losing myself; I think that’s our main problem, we become mothers and forget everything we were beforehand and therein lies a huge problem. I had to realize that Luwam the Woman, not the mother or the wife, but the individual woman mattered! Once I realized that, then everything else seemed doable.
The key to losing weight is sticking to a plan, wanting it bad and willing to do the work. That’s really all it is. I know, I know- it sounds so much easier saying it than actually doing it, but I'm being totally sincere when I say that’s all I did. I found a plan that worked for me and stuck to it. I wanted to lose the weight bad, and I did the work, even when I didn’t want to.
First things first, understand that losing weight is 80% nutrition and 20% exercise. That means you HAVE to eat healthy in addition to working out for the results to kick in. I was a stay at home mother at the time who did not utilize gym or daycares and therefore used Isabella’s nap time as my workout session during the day. I relied heavily on Shaun T’s Hip Hop Abs workout DVDs and trust me when I say it was no joke. I loved that he offered a workout schedule with his DVD's and I remember it being relatively easy to maintain.
I also completely changed my eating habit- replaced soda and fried food with water, veggies, and fruits. Counting calories helped as well. Little by little all the weight started peeling off and as I saw the results I wanted to keep doing it.
I recently loved reading your post about taking your family to Eritrea. It sounds like such a fun and rewarding family vacay. Did you have any initial fears or concerns about taking your kids to a foreign country? I was especially impressed by your courage to take your youngest daughter. Did you have any fears taking her at such a young age?
What did you do to prepare her for such a long flight and foreign land? Any major Dos and Don’t for our moms who may be considering a trip to Eritrea or Ethiopia with their little ones?
It was definitely one for the books! One of the most rewarding and humbling trips we’ve ever taken. Before I tell you about the fears I had going, I want to share why I did it, to begin with. Of course, the obvious reasons are because my mother, aunt, and grandma are currently living there and I have tons of extended family that I hadn’t seen in years. But more than all that it was because as a first generation American parent it’s hard teaching my children about their heritage especially when my first language is English. I can, however, at the very minimum show them the values, traditions and cultural love that my parents taught me. Trips to Eritrea and Ethiopia help tremendously because it gives the children a clear insight into what we preach at home. They get to see the schools we attended and the houses we lived in. They get to experience playing outdoors with the neighborhood kids and create lasting memories of their own. In doing that they begin to see Eritrea/Ethiopia as home and not just some place we go to for vacation.
With that being said…
I took Isabella to Asmara years ago when she was younger than Novena, and went overboard on the packing so this time around, I did everything in moderation, and it went pretty well (if I do say so myself). Novena just turned one in November and was barely walking when we went.
This is going to sound crazy, but I wasn’t worried about the kids being in Asmara. We’ve traveled with Isabella and Lorenzo twice now to Addis, and they understand what they can and cannot eat/drink and do. Plus, I made sure we were well prepared with lots and lots of medication, diapers, wipes, hand sanitizer, carton milk, snacks/goodies, and some dry foods. I knew the kids would be fine as long as they stayed away from raw foods and unfiltered water.
My initial fears were just getting to Asmara… the long flight and dealing with three children all at once. That caused nightmares! I know you’re probably laughing at me right now and that’s fine because I’m laughing at myself as I’m typing this… the fact that my husband and I were now outnumbered by these little people scared me. I was that parent that called the airlines 50 times to make sure we were all sitting together, and they understood that I had an infant with me. Of course, just my luck… when we got to the airport, I learned that my husband’s seat was away from ours and by that point, there was nothing I could do about it.
I think I wasn’t as worried as I should have been about taking them to Eritrea because I grew up spending my summers there, I lived there as a teenager for a short time and it helped that I took Isabella when she was younger and knew what to expect.
True! You can be prepared, but should always be flexible in case of unexpected events- such as hubby's seat being moved! That's a big one!
Again, thank you SO much for sharing your story with us! I’m a firm believer in sharing our truth and our journey with others to inspire and empower them in their own walks.
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