Creating a Sibling Bond with Our Modern Day "Me'ahdi"
Written by : Beri Gebrehiwot
Growing up, Me’ahdi was highly regarded. It was a time for us (all 6 kids) to gather around the table to eat our meal together, and often we ate from the same, large plate.
My Mother often attributed her bond with her siblings to this special time, when they all gathered together for a meal, gave each other kulaso or gursha, shared stories about their day and spent quality time in each other’s presence. Back then, the kids typically shared a separate plate from the adults, so this was a time with just the siblings- and according to my mom, it was a special time where she had the opportunity to hear stories from her siblings, laugh and have a good time.
In the same manner, my parents continued this tradition with us while growing up in the diaspora, and stressed the importance of, not only just eating together, but also staying seated until everyone was done eating.
As the western culture often emphasizes the importance of individuality, with kids having their own rooms, their own clothes and their own meal options and preferences, etc., the Habesha culture I grew up with put a great emphasis on sharing everything with your immediate family, caring for your immediate family, sharing meals with family and eating together at the table, sharing a room with my sisters, and sharing clothes. We were never given an option to opt out of family events or activities; we did everything together as a unit.
Today, with my kids- one of the biggest struggles I am facing is getting them to share and see each other as friends and allies. I kept telling myself, “I’m sure this will come naturally as they get older.” But the truth is, I wasn’t doing anything to plant those seeds for ensuring they have a strong bond in the future.
Although our western meals don’t exactly give us the opportunity to eat off of the same plate, I was determined to continue the same ritual with what we had. And, of course, the days we do get to enjoy our traditional food, it is always eaten from the same plate.
Here is my rendition of the Me’ahdi during our lunchtime with chicken nuggets and ketchup in the center:
The first time I did this- it was NOT pretty! They fought over who got more ketchup, who took a bite of a nugget and put it back on the plate, who had more nuggets on their side, etc. They were used to eating from their own plates.
After a few times, they were used to eating their nuggets off of the same plate and the fights were far and few! I was beyond excited and reminded that everything we try to instill in our kids starts with us actually implementing it, now, while they’re still young. They may not pick it up right away, but keep trying, keep planting those seeds and setting the example.
Even if they can’t eat every meal from the same plate, I make sure they eat their breakfast and lunch at their little red table together and dinner is always eaten as a family at the big table. In a society that is always on the go, sitting down and enjoying a meal together as a family has so many benefits, both emotionally and physically. Here are 9 scientifically proven reasons to eat dinner as a family.
You can’t lead an individualistic life concerned about yourself and then grow up one day and have passion or relationship for others if you never learned that skill.
Although we want to give our kids everything we never had, we have to remember to give them what is invaluable: a connection with their family and friends. The best thing I had growing up was my siblings and the time we had together- through all the fights, annoyance and lack of personal space. I wouldn’t change it for anything.
How do you foster a sibling bond and connection with your children? Please do share.
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