35 Questions to Help us Get to Know The Women in Our Lives

Left: My mother with me and my daughter. Right: My mother with me as a toddler.

Written by : Beri Gebrehiwot

Happy Women's History Month! This month and every month we are celebrating the incredible women who are Leaders, Innovators, Ambitious, Fearless, Courageous and Unrelenting. There have been SO many impactful women throughout time and from every background- but the women who stand out to me during this time of year are the women who have impacted me directly; the first being my own Mother.

I have always been in awe of her great faith, her quiet strength and ability to parent, lead, mentor and correct with Grace, Love and Impact.

When I became a Mother for the first time, all I could do was compare myself to my own mother and wonder how I would ever live up to her example or ever compare to her gentle and graceful ways as a mother and wife.

Growing up, my siblings and I were blessed to have the quintessential mom who was present everyday, in tune with each child as she adapted to each need like a pro, she gave us freedom to be ourselves while guiding and leading, she never showed her doubts or worries on her face, always shared the positive and helped us look for the positive in everything, she gave everything to God- the good, the bad and the uncertain. As an immigrant mother with 6 kids, no skills or language training- she not only excelled in parenting but she put all of us in a position to succeed as functional citizens in this world.  I really could go on forever. I'm sure most of you would be able to say most of the same about your own mothers. 

Going Deeper

This year, in honor of the woman I admire the most, I wanted to acknowledge and honor her in a different way. In a more intimate and personal way. One of the things we lack as a community, I believe, is sharing our truth. The good, the bad and everything in between. Our parents may have done a good job of sharing their history- where they come from, their story of war, immigration, victory and success against all odds… but there is more to sharing your truth. Sharing or telling your truth means also speaking about those vulnerable parts of your journey that might elicit some judgment, conflict or tension with others.

+It’s the things you decided to struggle with in silence and on your own, for whatever reason.
+It’s the things you wish you would have said out loud when you had the chance to. +It’s the things you felt may have been too shameful or embarrassing to share or say out loud.
+It’s the things that may have brought unwarranted judgement from your community, culture, religion, family.

The thing about speaking your truth, with honesty and integrity, is that there is usually someone on the other end who benefits from you speaking up and sharing.

In my own journey, I’ve learned that speaking your truth:
+Wasn’t just for people who had a big secret they’ve been holding on to.
+It wasn’t just for people who have suffered tragically.
+It wasn’t just something that was encouraged among people who had “issues.”

Telling your truth is simply the act of speaking and living from a place of authenticity. Telling your truth is for everyone. Your voice matters, because your perspective matters. Especially as women. Especially as Habesha women.

As I mentioned above, when I became a mother, all I had to compare myself to was my mom and what seemed to be “perfect parenting.” I think our community does a good job of serving us everything with a pretty bow on top. It’s time to break that cycle. It’s time to start sharing more than our successes. It’s time to shed light on our struggles so that we can learn from one another. It’s time to practice vulnerability.

I understand that most of our parents were in “survival mode” as they did the very best they could as immigrants in the western world… but it is never too late to share your truth. It is never too late to be vulnerable.

As a woman and a mother, daughter, sister, wife and friend- I have always desired to know more about the women I looked up to the most. Not their history, but their intimate thoughts, their struggles as mothers and wives, their raw truth…

I’ve been blessed to have a mother who does share with me. But, this year, I want to challenge her, and myself, to have an intimate bonding moment where I get to ask, listen and understand this dynamic woman by asking her these 35 questions that I’ve created.

I would like to also encourage YOU to do the same with the women in your lives- whether it’s your mother, step-mother, aunt, grandmother or sister. I would encourage you to do this exercise with someone that has known you the longest, ideally your caretaker or the person who raised you/helped raise you.

What I want to gain at the end of this exercise

I think what I want the most, is to have a deeper connection and intimate understanding of the women I admire. I plan to do this exercise with my mother and aunt, and I hope to learn more about their authentic journey in womanhood and motherhood. I’m not digging for dirt. I simply want to have a genuine account for who they are as women… as a whole. I want to be able to document their story and hopefully gain some perspective that I can utilize in my own journey.

I’m excited for this exercise and hope that you will be just as excited with me. I will have a place for you all to share some of the responses, if you wish to, on our private Facebook page.

For those of you who are unable to download the document, here is an image of the document. Still having trouble? Fee free to reach out via email: almazandco@gmail.com

Happy Connecting!
xx.