My Birthing Story

Written by: Ke’Abnesh Girma

After three days of labor, I had an emergency cesarean section with my firstborn.

Let me tell you a story, girl.

I planned on having a vaginal birth with midwives at SF Birth Center, and I hired a doula to guide me and massage me throughout my labor. At the birth center, you can only use laughing gas, and a water birth if you choose that without any modern medicine, but my daughter decided to take her sweet time and pass her due date.

Instead of my well thought-out birthing plan, I was admitted into the hospital for induction. They had to start the artificial labor using different methods- Pitocin labor, laughing gas and rebozo labor to name a few. I walked around the hallway and moved around… you name it, I tried it all with no luck.

Since we already paid the birth center, they sent a midwife to assist me at the hospital. I already had a doula that was working with me, so together they both tried the rebozo birth several times to encourage labor and turn Kibra’s face down. I was so adamant about giving birth without any intervention and ruled out surgery long time ago. This decision was mostly influenced by a video I saw on the C-section procedure and on how they cut you open, piece by piece to get to the baby. Our body is a complex one. Women warriors, where ya at?

Anyway, we tried it all and I still did not want modern medicine. The dumbest decision was being over confident as if I can tell my body what I choose for it to do. This really showed me how stubborn I was- once I set my mind to do something, I am determined to make it happen at all cost.

However, I learned that I needed to give in sometimes. Especially in this situation. “Let go and Let God,” I told myself.

I gave it my all because I wanted to do it like my mama. She had 6 kids- all vaginal births with no epidural. But I am not my mother, my body is not like my mom’s and my birth is not designed to be like anyone else’s. My body operates in whatever way works for it. I learned it all the hard way and it was horrible.

What the hell was I thinking not wanting an epidural ? I guess I didn’t want to lay down too long once I had epidural, and the side effects that I heard about worried me. All of my attempts did not save me, nor did they help in having a vaginal birth. All we know is, Baby Kibra got stuck, she wouldn’t turn her face down and the rebozo labor techniques didn’t move her at all- she was tall and stuck.

The more they increased the Pitocin dose, the worse the labor pain was; it felt 100 times worse. I lost my freaking mind on the last dose- screaming, crying, holding my husband tight, crying to him, “I can’t do this anymore.” All this after days of giving it my all and before getting an epidural. I got to 5 cm after starting Pitocin, and only got to 7cm with the epidural; crazy right?

My water broke, I had sporadic contractions and all that fun stuff but hours passed and Kibra’s heart-rate started dropping. All the specialists respected my choice and my husband was supportive too, but encouraged me to consider surgery saying, “I can’t loss you and our baby.” And it certainly became dangerous, with the risk of losing both of our lives, so I had to agree to an emergency C-section. I was sooo confused as to why this was happening to me. I never imagined it would go like this.

I had a cesarean section and had a bad seizure, I was cold, shivery, lost consciousness, etc. I stayed in the hospital for the next 5 days.

Furthermore, bringing baby home was a nightmare...

Postpartum depression and baby blues are another story we probably need to talk about amongst other moms. Crying everyday, happy crying and feeling stuck crying was a the cycle. As a girl who lived and ran around in New York for 12 years like a free bird, I felt stuck.

All to say, nobody prepares you or shares the detailed journey of childbirth and what it really feels like those first few weeks of being home with baby. It has such a major impact on our body and emotional state, yet it is a hush hush thing, leaving many women to navigate motherhood alone and feeling like they’re the only ones to go through it.

Socially, cesarean birth is considered to be less than a vaginal birth. I know some mothers who were upset because they had to get a C-section due to health or other emergencies. Some have C-section by choice and some have no choice. Even my own girlfriends didn’t tell me they had C-sections because we don’t talk about that openly.

I don’t think many first time mothers, like myself, really understand childbirth until they go through the process. Up until that point, we have an idea of what we want and what to expect during and after baby’s arrival.

Let me tell you! Another trauma begins and passing gas becomes a luxury, peeing becomes a luxury, burping becomes a luxury, having a ‘number two’ becomes a luxury. The nurses and doctors ask you those questions every time they come to your room- I tell them “nope,” and they have to give me medication to relieve the body. Where do I stop about all the suffering I endured? For child birth! We take a lot!

My body has never been the same and my lower back pain is sickening. I get therapies, acupuncture, cupping and massage to help with the pain temporarily. I lost my muscles, my core is no longer strong and I’m still numb around the surgical area, (a year later). Also, this pandemic didn’t help either because I stopped going to the gym to exercise and swim, and I stopped going to the hot Pilates class that I started just weeks before the pandemic. These were all helping. Now, I do alternative workouts at home - whatever works for me and feels good. Luckily, this sweet baby brings me immense joy and has helped me forget all that trauma!

It’s important to know that every woman’s experience is different. Serena Williams, a world renowned athlete had to undergo an emergency cesarean section after her daughter's heart rate reached dangerously low levels during contractions. Who would think that someone with a perfect physique and incredibly strong core wouldn’t have a vaginal birth? We just never know how our child will come into this world. We can never have a set plan and rule out things we can’t control. I simply wasn’t prepared for the worst case scenario. I think sharing our stories and allowing women the freedom and empowerment to choose the way their baby comes into this world without judgement and guilt is important.

About Ke’Abnesh

Ke’Abnesh is a blogger and an esthetician who loves skincare. She spent 12 years navigating the dating jungle in NYC, learning many lessons, sometimes the hard way, before moving to San Francisco and finding her soulmate.

Through her blog, she hopes to share what she learned in her journey and create an open, safe space for other women to share their experiences and wisdom, as well.

And, since she loves skincare, she incorporates ways to keep your skin looking young and beautiful as you brave the dating world! Whatever comes next, she believes your skin should look fantastic!

Stay tuned for her upcoming website, where you can learn more and follow her journey! www.HappilyKeaby.com