How To Cope While Baby is in the NICU

Submitted by: Meron Misgun

My name is Meron Misgun, I am a mother of three children; I have a son named Senai and my daughters are Sewit and Sened. I had my youngest, Sened, on St. Patrick’s Day in an emergency C-section at 29 weeks due to a subchorionic hemorrhage with a fear of placenta abruption.

Prior to me giving birth to Sened, I began bleeding and eventually started having blood clots. Initially, my OBGYN down played the bleeding and told me to not worry about it. It wasn’t until I bled for a couple more days that they finally told me to come into the clinic.

“A subchorionic hematoma or hemorrhage is bleeding under one of the membranes (chorion) that surrounds the embryo inside the uterus. It is a common cause of bleeding in early pregnancy.”

— Healthwise

I was in and out of the hospital a couple more times after that. The third time, I went back because I had painful contractions that were 1-2 minutes apart and I ended up being 10cm dilated. Sened was breeched so they rushed me to the operating room and I had to have an emergency C-section. Since I was fully dilated and Sened was breeched they had to move quickly and put me to sleep with anesthesia for the procedure.

After I woke up from my surgery, my OBGYN said if I would have came 5 minutes later, it could’ve been life threatening for Sened and myself because it could have been a complete abruption of the placenta.

I also discovered later that Sened came out not breathing and they had to resuscitate her; and it took her three minutes to start spontaneously breathing.

She truly is my miracle baby. Sened ended up spending 65 days in the NICU before she came home with us on May 20th.

How did you bond with your baby while she was in the NICU?

The one way that kept me connected with Sened was going to the hospital every day and spending as many hours as I could holding her.

They called it kangaroo time in the NICU, but it was basically skin to skin time. I would undress from the waist up and hold her between her feedings. The doctors said the kangaroo time was just as important as the work they were doing. I felt so helpless during her stay in the NICU so holding her and pumping was my way of staying connected with her.

The other thing was our hospital gave us a necklace that had charms for every milestone she attained, so I felt as included in the process as possible. I also personalized Sened’s hospital room with pictures of her family so she and I felt at home while there.

How did you determine when you were ready to breastfeed or when baby was ready?

When a baby is in the NICU they initially get fluids and nutrition through IV, and as they get stronger they can get milk or formula through a tube that goes into their stomach through their nose or mouth. Typically, they are not able to start breast feeding until their gestational age is 34/35wks. and they are strong and healthy enough to start breastfeeding.

Another thing is, when babies are born prematurely they give them donated breastmilk because their bodies are not ready for formula. It took about 5 days for my milk to come in. Initially, it was super discouraging but my body was just not ready to start producing milk since Sened came so early. I was determined to get it going so I could replace the donors milk. I had to pump every 3 hours and they would feed her my milk through a feeding tube. Once she was able to start breastfeeding she did not latch on that great so I pretty much exclusively pumped.

Once babies begin bottle feeding, they require them to drink 80% of their feedings in order to be discharged (amongst other requirements). I chose to continue to just pump because I wanted them to be able to accurately track how much milk she was drinking. Unfortunately, Sened was not taking that much by mouth in order to meet the requirements; she was drinking anywhere between 30-60% of a bottle.

They were worried she was aspirating (when milk goes into their lungs) on my breastmilk even though she was not showing any discomfort. The day of her discharge they confirmed she was. She was considered a silent aspirator; she would just stop drinking or fall asleep because she was in pain so that just broke my heart. I naturally am not an overproducer when it came to breastmilk and her NICU stay also effected how much milk I produced because of this experience. So, they told me she was aspirating on my milk that was a big blow and really discouraged me.

I made the decision to stop pumping because I would have to wait another month in order to be able to breastfeed. I continued pumping and her feedings through a tube after she came home.

How did you share what was going on with older siblings?

My other daughter, Sewit, was really too young to understand what was going on but with both of our kids, we were as transparent as possible abpout where I was going every day. I consistently showed them pictures and videos of their new baby sister.

Did you have any support system that helped you during this time?

My husband was my biggest support. He was patient, compassionate and stepped up so much around the house. He took a significant amount of work off in order for me to be with Sened at the hospital as often as I wanted.

My parents were so tremendously helpful. The moment I told my parents I was being admitted, during the first hospital stay, they immediately packed their bags and drove an hour to our house to be with my kids so that my husband could be at the hospital with me. My elderly parents practically lived with us during Sened’s whole NICU stay and used their strengths in order to support us. My sisters were also a big help. They would come visit, cook me meals or just be available for me however they could.

What did your self-care look like during this time?

I honestly did not have a consistent self-care routine.

I always felt really torn and guilty. If I was at the hospital with Sened, I felt guilty I was not spending time with my other babies. And if I was at home, I felt terrible that I could not be with Sened.

I guess self-care for me was trying to be as present as possible wherever I was so I did not feel guilty. Once in a while I did take a nap because I was just physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and I just could not function.

And when I got a chance, I’d go to TJ Maxx and treat myself to something. I guess I just never felt right spending alone time because my time already felt split between the hospital and home.

“I guess self-care for me was trying to be as present as possible wherever I was so I did not feel guilty. ”

— Meron

What other tips would you share with a mom who has baby in the NICU?

I would say please be kind to yourself. Do not feel like you failed your body or your baby in any way because your baby was born prematurely.

The other thing is, to advocate for yourself and your baby. I kept a running log of notes and questions to ask doctors and an app that tracked her growth. I questioned every decision that was made, they knew to not start any procedure or medications without consulting me first, they knew to call me first if anything changed from something minor as her feeding times changing or something major.

Also, please keep in mind that this is temporary. I know in the moment it feels like forever but their stay will eventually end and hopefully life will go back to “normal.” You will be in survival mode during the whole NICU stay so just do something small to make you happy. My thing was coffee- so I’d have an extra cup everyday just to make me happy.