Embrace The New You in Motherhood
“I miss the old me…”
“I’m still waiting for the Snap back…”
“I don’t recognize myself anymore…”
When I first had my son, I was in complete awe of the tiny human I just created. I was floating on cloud nine, just about every day… until he became a toddler, when Motherhood began to hit me in a different way. He ran me ragged… like literally. And the only thing I could think is: “I don’t recognize myself anymore.”
Fast forward three years and those feelings, of being caught up in a whirlwind with no way out, were even stronger after I had my second baby.
I wasn’t happy with the way my body was changing. I wasn’t happy with the lack of everything with my hair (I had no time to care for it, so it was slowly dying), I wasn’t happy with the little time I had to myself and I (really) wasn’t happy with the little time I had alone with my hubby.
Juggling two little ones was kicking my butt. I didn’t know how to love them together and I didn’t know how to find time to love them equally alone. I didn’t want my oldest to be left out, so I put a lot of emotional work into our relationship. And, of course, my newborn required my attention both physically and emotionally, so that was mandatory.
Ah.
I know you feel me, Mamas. Juggling two little ones is tough. Which usually means something or SOMEONE is being sacrificed…. and usually, that’s us (Mom).
And, of course, I felt guilty for feeling this way. I was crazy in love with my littles, there was no denying that. But I was honest with the toll it took on me. And it started with my internal dialogue and my perspective on where I was at.
One of the things I had a hard time adjusting to was the change. The fact that this was a completely new season that required me to show up on a different level. And that meant I HAD TO FIGURE OUT WHAT WAS WORKING FOR ME AND WHAT WASN’T.
Here’s what wasn’t working for me:
+comparing myself to the “old me”
+waiting for something to change- “if I just brace myself in this madness and wait for the whirlwind to pass, I might make it out alive”
+comparing myself to other moms (social media moms to be exact)
+being subject to every fleeting thought and feeling that came across my mind, that told me I wasn’t fit for this job as a mother and that I was failing at it
I realized that I was refusing to step into my new season as a mother. I was afraid to fully dive in and embrace the new me. The new bod, the new hair, the new balancing acts, the new responsibilities and everything else that came with this new job title. I was resisting my new role. And that caused a whole lot of friction and frustration between what was in my mind and what was reality.
EMBRACING my new role and fully accepting who I was becoming, gave me the courage and desire to step into my new role with a new perspective. One that wasn’t stuck in the past or longing for the “old me” to make a comeback.
It gave me the ability to be fully present and capacity to take pride and honor in my new identity as a mother. It gave me the grace to allow myself to mess up and not have the right answers all the time. It allowed me to see this new season as both messy+beautiful. It’s a part of my journey and purpose in this life, and I am here for it all.
Last, my internal dialogue had to change. Instead of thinking, “I’m not who I used to be,” I would say, “I embrace and love this new woman I’ve become.” One practice I love to do is stand in front of the mirror and repeat positive affirmations. Try it for yourself and give yourself a moment in front of the mirror and repeat after me:
“(insert your name), you are SO much more than what you see in front of you. Not only do you wear many hats with many roles and responsibilities, but you have strengths and abilities that you haven’t allowed to surface. Step fully into your season of Motherhood, this new role that allows you to practice those strengths and abilities. I know it’s not easy and you won’t always have the right answers or know what to do, but that’s okay because the only thing that is required of you is to show up every single day, fully present as your true self and ready to conquer small goals daily, ready to learn new things, ready to show grace and love to yourself and your littles, ready to grow and learn and ready to fail and try as many times as possible. You are so much stronger and so much smarter than you give yourself credit for. You have so much to be grateful for and so much love to give and receive. Get out of your own way and watch the magic happen as you embrace all of you. This is you. Be proud of you. Love all of you. Start there. You got this, Mama. I believe in you.”
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