Written by: Beri Gebrehiwot

At the beginning of 2021, I began to feel an overwhelm that I couldn’t quite shake off… no matter how much sleep I got, coffee I got,  girl time I got, me time I got.

I quickly realized I was experiencing burn out, and rightfully so after an entire year of not only adjusting to a new norm following the pandemic, but the constant fear-injecting events around the world-- from the accelerating number of Covid deaths to George Floyd and the injustices against black men and women across the country and the alarming divide of our nation that seemed to be growing.

And, without missing a beat, I continued to show up daily for my family and my community without taking the time to process.

When schools were shut down due to the pandemic, I went into problem solver mode and created a daily Story Time hour that would be shared with our community of moms and their children. I was already reading with my kids at home, so including our community was a no-brainer for me. We met via Zoom, like the rest of the world was starting to, and had fun reading different stories with different volunteers and kids from all around the country.

Our community of moms also shifted the Mommy Meet-ups and Events to Zoom, helping us all stay connected and sane during that time.

At the same time, I had a family friend who was hospitalized and fighting for his life with Covid. I naturally became the patient’s advocate along with his family and, for three months, participated in daily huddles with the nurses and doctors to discuss his care and prognosis.

This is just one example.

It felt like I was putting out fires all around me, including personal ones-  all without taking a breather for myself.

Although a “nice” or “noble” trait to have… this was the very thing that caused me to burn out.

I didn’t prioritize myself at all.

This was my wiring; it was the very thing that was modeled for me as a daughter of immigrant parents whose culture praised self-sacrifice for the benefit of the collective. 

Halfway through 2021 I began to feel a nudging to get off of social media.

I daydreamed about the freedom that might come from removing social media… but, I ignored that nudging.

I believed a couple of lies that kept me on social media (SM):

 + If I slow down or take a break for even a second, I will miss out (ever hear of FOMO –fear of missing out- yes, it’s a real thing!)

+ my audience will move on or lose interest in the space I’ve created

+ things will eventually fall into place & work themselves out (i.e. I will stop feeling anxious & burned out with time)

These lies couldn’t be further from the truth. Here are the truths I learned about taking a break:

+ there’s beautiful magic in taking a break or slowing down. It’s where you find clarity. It’s where you can zoom out and actually see where you’re at and where you’re going

+ taking a break allows you to check in with yourself, without the noise and influence from the outside

+ taking a break gives you permission to ask yourself hard questions and be honest with yourself. “Is this what I really want?” “What do I actually want?”

+ taking a break gives you freedom and helps you buy your time back

+ taking a break naturally pulls you in to what’s in front of you, allowing you to be more present

+ although FOMO is a real thing, that fear is magnified beyond reality. So, yes you might miss some events and happenings or announcements, but if it’s FOR YOU you will get those invites and announcements personally... as in directly to your phone or email because they’re from people who actually love and care for you. You will be okay if you miss out on your favorite influencer’s birth announcement, okay!? J

I will be honest, when I took my social media break, I only planned on being away for a short while. But that turned into 10 Months. And it was the most amazing 10 months ever! I truly felt empowered. I felt present every single day. Each day felt like weeks as I was able to do so much without the distraction of other people’s agendas and beautiful lives. I was laser focused on what was directly in front of me at the moment and it was AWESOME. I felt more intentional in engaging my family and friends. I was all in each time with no other distractions. What a beautiful way to live, right?

Here’s the not so great news.

It took me a few weeks to get to this point. I went through several weeks of detox. Yes, it is actually considered detox as your brain is missing the level of dopamine it receives when you’re on social media.

Those first few weeks I would reach for my phone to get on SM throughout the day. I was highly annoyed with myself but gave myself grace because I learned it was a result of a CHEMICAL withdraw in my brain- there are many studies to show the effects of social media on our brain and dopamine levels in our brain. You can learn more here.

To help me be successful in staying off, I eliminated the temptation all together and uninstalled all of my SM apps (except Messenger).

If you’ve ever thought about taking a SM break, I highly encourage you to do it.

Here are just a couple of reasons why you should take a break (and implement breaks often):

+ over use of SM can cause health problems and issues in your personal relationships

+ constantly viewing other people’s lives, consuming the news & world events can cause anxiety or depression

+ although SM is supposed to help us stay connected, it actually makes us feel more isolated. We humans need face-to-face interactions to be mentally healthy

+ decreasing SM use increases your ability to be more present in your own life and more intentional with your time

+ as a mom, you are modeling SM use to your kids; having healthy habits with SM can have huge ramifications on their lives as they begin to use it on their own

Here are 5 things you can do right now to help you slow down & be mindful with your SM use:

1.       Turn off your notifications. You don’t need to know each time someone likes or comments on your posts.

2.       Set parameters on your phone to limit your daily SM use. Iphones and Androids have this in their settings. YouTube or Google instructions on how to set this up. You will need discipline on your end here as your phone will give you an opportunity to override or give yourself more time if your limit is reached while in the app. If it’s important to finish what you’re doing, be sure to override for just 15 minutes and not the whole day (oops! Done that before).

3.       Be mindful about the accounts you follow on SM and how the content they share makes you feel. Also, do the accounts you follow support your current goals or hurt you? If you’re trying to save more money and budget- it probably doesn’t help to follow your favorite fashion influencers or fashion brand accounts. On the flip side, you can definitely follow accounts that DO support your current goals and aspirations.

4.       Accountability. Find one person to share your new SM goals with and ask them to check in to keep you accountable. This could be more fun with a group of friends too!

5.       Start with a SM break to help you understand your relationship with SM. This will open your eyes to how often you use it and how much you rely on it. I think giving yourself a minimum of 1 week will help you understand your patterns & habits with it, but a minimum of 1 month off will make an impact as your dopamine is balanced. This is where you will start to see positive impact on your mental health and relationship with others.

I hope sharing my personal story was helpful to you, and that these 5 tips will give you the tools you need to prioritize yourself and your mental wellbeing. Social Media has become such a big part of our everyday life, and understanding our relationship with it is vital to our wellbeing. There are many great things about SM, but using it responsibly is something we should all strive to do.

As a mother, I am motivated by the opportunity to model healthy habits and mindfulness with my social media use as I know social media apps will be a part of their lives one day.

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