Written by: Beri Gebrehiwot

Hey, Mamas! As you know, our platform is all about promoting Self-care, Self-love, Self discovery and empowerment for the Cultural Mom.

We like exploring culture and how it impacts us as first Generation westerners, especially as women and as moms. How does culture impact our mindset and our ability to really show up as our authentic selves AND prioritize our own well being?

When you come from, and are raised in, a Collectivist culture (African, Asian, Central/South American cultures are typically more collectivistic) it is hard to switch on and off the expectations and roles of your culture and the western culture.

For example, I remember feeling the friction between my culture (at home) and the western culture (at school) when I was growing up. I immigrated to the states with my parents at the age of six, so you can imagine how quickly I would have picked up the new language and culture of our host country. Because my parents were much older when they immigrated here, it was harder for them to assimilate, and the culture of their home country was a part of their identity- it showed in how they spoke, how they dressed, in their values and beliefs and how they showed up everyday.

Our culture, the Eritrean culture, is very much a Collectivist culture. Family and community is the focus, versus each person’s individual goals or aspirations. Adults take care of their parents and family members, and groom their children to do the same. Although a noble thing to do, and a custom I value- it often comes with great sacrifice to self. Selflessness is highly valued and praised in this culture.

Collectivist vs individualistic cultures

A Collectivist Culture:

• emphasize the needs + goals of the group as a whole over the needs and desires of each individual

• Social rules focus on promoting selflessness + putting community needs ahead of individual needs

An Individualistic culture (Western culture):

• focuses on the rights and concerns of each person

• Independence and personal identity are valued and highly stressed in individualistic cultures

Your cultural background and upbringing influences you so much more than you may think. Having an understanding of how you show up, your mindset, your habits and patterns and behavior can lead you right back to your cultural heritage.

It’s not always a bad thing. BUT, if you struggle with feeling guilt, shame or anxiety about prioritizing yourself and taking care of yourself- it’s most likely because the culture you were raised in is a collectivistic culture. And it values selflessness and self sacrifice for the greater good of the group/community.

If you were raised by immigrant parents, you may feel the pressure to succeed and take care of your parents and family members. Your parents probably verbalize this to you often, as a reminder of their sacrifice for you.

Understanding the difference between Collectivist and Individualistic cultures was a big Ah-ha moment for me and helped me feel less guilt and shame for prioritizing my needs and setting boundaries. This understanding also, most importantly, empowered me to implement habits and boundaries that will break the cycle. I will be the first woman, and mother in my entire generation who has had the privilege of being educated, choosing my spouse, earn high paying wages and go after my own dreams and aspirations. I have the opportunity to show my own daughter how to show up for herself and go after her dreams. I stand on my ancestors shoulders, and forever grateful for all they sacrificed and endured in order for me to be where I am today. I don’t take that for granted.

Here’s what I want you to know and remember each time you’re struggling with putting YOU first, or getting some consistent self-care:

IT’S OKAY TO PRIORITIZE YOURSELF.
IT’S OKAY TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF.
YOU DESERVE REST.
YOU DESERVE GREAT CARE.

*Source on Culturistic and Individualistic cultures: verywellmind.com