Written by: Beri Gebrehiwot

As an Eritrean-American woman, the foundation of my heritage is Community; so growing up, I was keen to the many ways my parents engaged in their community- as they supported countless individuals and families, and were also on the receiving end of support.

I often heard my mother compare the parenting lifestyle in America to that of her home country, and how children were raised by the entire "village."

Your aunts, uncles, grandparents and neighbors all played a part in raising you, correcting you, supporting you and guiding you until you were an adult.

She lamented about this missing piece to parenting in the western world. I never understood this back then, but now as a parent myself, I completely understand what she meant and can fill in the gaps to what she was actually saying- Parenting in the western or developed world can be lonely and difficult as parents often juggle this season away from close family members, tackling financial responsibilities, emotional and physical requirements and so much more all on their own. This can be especially difficult in the postpartum period.

In many non-western cultures, a mother is supported for sometimes months, during the postpartum period. In fact, it was considered unacceptable to leave her side. During this period, she is supported both emotionally and with all household needs- cleaning, cooking, helping with other kids, allowing her to rest and so forth.

In the Eritrean and Ethiopian cultures, women are looked after for the first 40 days postpartum and, traditionally, the woman goes and stays with her mother during the end of pregnancy, childbirth and postpartum to be taken care of.

India has the exact same ritual across all cultures, and they too focus on the “mothering” of the mother by her mom or other female relatives. One of the factors they focus on during the postpartum period is diet and nutrition.

“In Ayurveda, a 5000 year old Indian healing tradition, this period is considered a sensitive time for mothers, particularly for the digestive system – hence the strong emphasis on simple, digestible foods. Traditionally, mothers are given hot oil massages daily. They are fed very simple but special foods and a number of herbal drinks to promote healing, boost their immunity and improve milk supply.” - Simran Adeniji, Childbirth Educator. (Source)

As a first time mom, I was incredibly blessed to have both my mother and mother-in-law supporting me during my postpartum period. They both arranged to take time off work and be with me for over a total of 1 month.

Again, as a first time mom especially, I didn't realize that this was not the norm. That women go into postpartum alone, or with their significant other- without additional help from extended family. Additionally, most women don't receive adequate maternal leave to properly heal from childbirth and bond with their babies. The average maternity leave in the U.S. is 10-12 weeks. (thebalancecareers.com)

My hope for you, and our community of moms, is that you will find a support system, a safe space to ask questions or vent and feel less alone as you connect with other moms.

The hormonal changes that take place during pregnancy can affect us both during and after pregnancy. Having the tools to both recognize the symptoms, and get the help we need is important. For this reason, I created a Postpartum Guide in our community App to help moms understand the the signs and symptoms of postpartum depression and anxiety, and what steps they can take immediately to help.

Here are 5 Things You Can Do To Prepare For The Postpartum Period

1. Think about your support system. Try to come up with a list of close/family friends who can be there to help you transition into this new season. That can be parents, in-laws, siblings, girlfriends, etc. Try to communicate with them ahead of time and plan visits and time they can be around so they know how/when to step in and help when the time comes. Don’t assume your friends/family know how to support you. If all you want is company- say it. If you want your sister on meal duty- say it. If you want your mother-in-law to watch baby in the afternoon so you can nap- say it. If you want your partner to take care of bottle feeding while you pump- say it. Don’t be afraid to voice your needs, Mama. Oh, and can I just add- if you don’t want any visitors for the first few weeks- say that too!

2. Give yourself permission to get professional help, if needed. When you’re making that list of health providers: you OB/Midwife, Doula, Pediatrician- add these experts and services to your list: a Postpartum Doula, a Lactation Consultant, a Pelvic Physical Therapist, a house cleaner, a delivery service for meals and a Therapist. Yes, go ahead and look around for a therapist and book yourself a future appointment, preferably a few weeks after postpartum- even if you don’t think you’ll need it. If you think that’s excessive, then give said therapists name/info to your partner or close friends and give them permission to make you an appointment if needed. Get familiar with the signs/symptoms for postpartum depression and anxiety, and share them with your people.

3. Remember the 2 week rule. They say it takes about 2 weeks to get into the swing of things with breastfeeding, getting baby’s sleep cycle down, getting your own sleep cycle down, getting into a new norm, etc. Give yourself grace, Mama.

4. Collect Supplies. We are good at putting together a baby registry with everything the baby will need, but often forget to prepare all of the supplies we may need to help us as we heal after giving birth. Some supplies to think about having on hand are: Granny panties (the bigger the better), Maxi pads, disposable underwear (try to ask for as many as you can before leaving the hospital), peri bottle (ask for an extra one before discharge, or check out this Frida Mom upside down peri- bottle), witch hazel pads to help sooth postpartum hemorrhoids, Perinial spray to help soothe perinium stitches and Pain meds, buy a few different breastfeeding friendly bras and gowns and breastfeeding pillows (this is for you and baby).

5. Find a community of Moms. In my own journey as a first time mom, I desired having mom friends I could relate to. Spending all day with my infant was great, but having adult interaction and people to plan playdates and outings with was even better! Even as an introvert, I longed to have interactions with adult humans to break up the monotony of changing diapers, feedings, pumping, cleaning, entertaining baby…

   Getting together with other moms for playdates filled my cup in a way that energized me and helped me to show up as my best self!

   If you haven’t already, come and join our community of moms in the almaz + co. App.

You Got This Mama!